cafe gestapo

During the summer vacation Delta took her two children to the city and after seeing a movie she took them to a fashionable al fresco cafe -- smoking permitted and ashtrays provided -- for a snack treat. She ordered three cakes and they were delivered by a surly older man who very deliberately and very rudely embedded the forks upright in the cakes rather than placing them on the side.

"That guy was obviously making a statement," sighs Delta, "and it wasn't until later that I discovered that my smoking was the reason for his rudeness."

"The kids didn't notice or care where the forks were," says Delta, "but I did and now I know how the Jews felt in Nazi Germany. I felt humiliated. I felt that he would have treated us better had we been dogs."

"For all I know he probably spat on the cakes, too," says Delta, "and because there is so much hatred in our society right now I am not going to risk eating out any more."

"I'm a Moslem convert and wear a scarf as a mark of respect for my religion," says Delta. "I am blonde and so are my children, so at first I though the guy may have been showing hatred for my religion but he could not have objected to our nationality and color which was the same as his."

"Then I though it could be that he objected to my bringing children into his fashionable cafe," muses Delta. "Maybe he hated children? I have heard that some city establishments deter patrons from bringing children with them, but if our society has become so sick that it cannot cater for children -- especially during school vacation afternoons when the beautiful people are at work -- what's the world coming to?"

"It wasn't a licensed cafe -- no alcohol was on sale -- so I wasn't out of bounds taking my children to the cafe, and I spent the whole time there wracking my brains wondering why he would made us so unwelcome."

"My kids are very well behaved -- they weren't noisy or running around," explains Delta. "They just sat there quietly with me chatting about the film we had seen."

"It did not occur to me that he objected to my smoking because there were ashtrays on all of the outside tables and later on some other patrons came out and started smoking."

"I then thought of another reason why he may have treated us badly -- our size," says Delta. "We aren't exactly stick insects -- but then we're not exactly elephants either."

"I know that the Fat Nazis are coming out of closets all over the world, but surely you wouldn't expect to find one of them in an eating establishment?"

"On the other hand, he just may have seen us as a bad advertisement for his fashionable cafe," explains Delta.

"A plump mom and her two plump kids stuffing into his cake de jour may have deterred the passing stick insects from dropping in to eat whatever stick insects eat."

"Taking all things into consideration I really thought it was our size that he objected to most," says Delta. "He probably hated us for all of the other reasons, too, but I think it was our size that caused him to go over the top and make that rude statement with the forks."

"I suppose ordering three cakes and Cokes rather than three carrot sticks and mineral waters only drew attention to our size."

"I sat there fuming. Had my husband been with us I really don't believe that despicable little man would have been so rude," says Delta. "There's nothing like a big man to scare a little man - right?"

"Just as we got up to leave I heard the smokers on the other table laughing about Nicotine Nazis and one of them was impersonating the mincing walk of the waitor who had offended me."

"Obviously, the waitor had made it plain to them what his problem was, and I was relieved it wasn't my size, my religion or my children that had caused the guy to treat us so badly," says Delta. "But, what the hell was a Nicotine Nazi doing working in an alfresco cafe that permitted smoking and encouraged it by leaving ashtrays?"

"I decided not to complain and I also didn't tell my husband because he would have only gone up there and shoved a fork up the guy's butt," laughs Delta. "But maybe that's the sort of treatment these petty little tyrants need in order to stop them in their tracks."

"Actually, that guy is lucky that I am a lady," adds Delta. "Had I not been I would have shoved those forks up his butt myself. I hope the next time he expresses his hate on someone - for whatever reason - he gets a taste of his own medicine."