fleecing smokers

Calista, 48, applauds Martin Whisker's brave protest against the new smoking ban by refusing to stub out his cigarette in a Scarborough pub, but accepts that it's likely to be the only protest because most smokers cannot afford a fine of £50 (reduced to £30 if paid within 15 days)or one of £200 if they are prosecuted and convicted by a court.

"Sometimes I do feel that smokers are like stupid sheep and deserve to be fleeced," says Calista, "but what you can do when you've grown up being bombarded with cool ads for smoking and were considered a wimp if you didn't smoke?"

"My parents didn't smoke -- or drink," says Calista, "so it's not something I learned at home. I picked up the smoking habit -- and drinking -- when I was at school and there was nothing my parents could do to stop me."

"Smoking and drinking were normal social habits when I was growing up and I was almost ashamed of my parents for being so backward."

"They're in their seventies now and are delighted with the smoking ban," laughs Calista, "but they won't be entirely happy until alcohol is banned, too. Fat chance!"

"Are we going backwards or forwards, or what?" asks Calista. "I can't believe that so many young people today are against smoking -- and yet they're into drugs that I wouldn't even dream of taking."

"Maybe I should consider changing my drug habits because I am fed up to the teeth being fleeced by the government," says Calista. "Tax on alcohol isn't too bad, but the tobacco tax is really killing me."

"Sure, they make tobacco tax astronomical because they want us to quit," says Calista, "but the alternatives to smoking are scary. I don't want to become an alcoholic drowning my sorrows in cheap wine -- that would be a horrible scenario."

"What does the government offer us in return for quitting?" asks Calista. "I mean, with what are we supposed to fill that void in our lives? Don't the do-gooders understand that we are hooked on the habit and previous governments were responsible -- sort of -- for our becoming addicted to cigarettes in the first place?"

"If the government wants to change a culture it should offer something better to replace it," explains Calista. "What is better than smoking? Drinking?"

"Are the 24/7 liquor outlets supposed to represent a better culture?" asks Calista. "Is the government in cahoots with the liquor industry? Do all the politicians have shares in alcohol production and distribution outlets? What the hell is going on?"

"The government promotes an anti-smoking culture forcing smokers to quit and then promotes expensive patches and drugs made by Big Pharma -- with whom it is also probably in cahoots -- and that's it?" asks Calista. "Whether we smoke or quit, it's still big money for the government and its backers. What's in it for us?"

"Better health? Oh come on!" laughs Calista. "Most quitters cope by increasing their drinking and then risk dying of alcohol poisoning or cirrhosis of the liver. Is that a better deal than lung cancer?"

"What's the good of quitting and taking up expensive patches and drugs?" asks Calista. "You're no better off financially and the void left by smoking will eat away at you -- as shown by so many ex-smokers who are like bleating lost sheep."

"The fashionable drugs these days are all tax free and banned -- bought off dealers -- and while I would love to snoot my nose at the government for fleecing me of my hard earned cash for so many years, I worry about exchanging one dependency for another and becoming hooked on something I don't know much about."

"The young people seem very cool about their so-called recreational drugs and don't seem to worry about being busted, getting a criminal conviction or frying their brains," says Calista, "so am I being old-fashioned by sticking to smoking?"

"Should I throw away my fags and take up heroin, cocaine or crystal meth?" muses Calista. "Or, should I stick to the devil I know and accept being fleeced by the government?"

"To remain a smoker is a sheep-like decision, I know," accepts Calista. "Martin Whisker's protest was merely that of an outlaw ram butting his horns against the railings and the rest of us didn't follow suit -- as we should have -- maybe because he wasn't the leader of the pack, we're too damned comfortable where we are or we didn't want to cop another fleecing in fines on top of the tobacco tax we already pay."

"So, what do you want me to say?"

"Baa-aaaaa!"