generation winners and losers

Connie is a youthful divorcee who, amazingly, chose to buy into a community retirement villa rather than an independent dwelling when her children left home leaving her rattling around the old family house within a community fast being taken over by young families who could not accept her friendship and treated her like an old witch rather than the vibrant lady she is.

"Yes," laughs Connie, "I know I am far too young for a retirement villa but I feel that advancing age is neither an appropriate time to be on my own nor to be surrounded by people very much younger than myself."

"I had lived in an area that was fast being taken over by young couples and I had felt alienated," explains Connie. "The young families surrounding me made me feel old and they also treated me strangely, as if I was an old witch or something. It wasn't a very nice way for me to live. I needed to get away from that sort of neighborhood and be among people who welcomed my friendshipe rather than shunned it."

"There was a generation clash with my new, young neighbors that made me feel like a loser."

Connie makes the valid point that a lot of older women want to stay in their homes until the end, but in staying too long they often end up being stuck living in areas where their friends have died off, young families have moved in and it is too difficult or too expensive to move when they are forced by circumstances to do so.

"Also, I had been living in the old family home," explains Connie. "It was bearable while the children were with me, but after they left it was like a relic of my marriage that needed to be buried."

Being with women older than herself in a retirement villa was also a generation clash, but this time Connie was the winner.

"Being with older women makes me feel younger," says Connie. "And I don't treat the older women badly like my younger neighbors once did to me."

"I also like the idea of having medical attention and housekeeping services available for a future time when I may need help," says Connie. "You never know when you're going to need help and I want to be prepared."

"If I had moved to an independent dwelling," explains Connie, "I would ultimately have had to sell up and move to a place like this in my seventies. It made sense to do it now when I am active and in full control of my faculties. Women who leave these things until later in life are taking an incredible risk. I couldn't do that."

Naturally, at 52 Connie is not yet ready for 'care' - on the contrary, she is full of life - but she is thinking ahead.

"Since selling my house and moving into the retirement villa, my social life went from zero to full on," laughs Connie. "I may be the youngest person here but these older folk are full of life. There are not only regular activities arranged by the retirement community group, but also a whole raft of events organized by individual women."

"For the first time since my 20s," laughs Connie, "I am working out at a gym, dancing, swimming and doing power walking. My health and energy level has improved dramatically. Rather than languishing in bed until noon, I am now up at the crack of dawn and making the most of every minute of every day."

"In a small complex like this being neighborly is very important," says Connie. "We are far more than neighbors, we are friends. In particular, I've befriended one woman who shares my love of theater and together we attend local performances and are planning on spending weekends away in order to enjoy major theater productions in large cities."

Asked how she can afford such a lavish lifestyle when she's not working, Connie laughs.

"After selling the rattling old house I got cashed up," laughs Connie. "I own the villa, I share most expenses with my neighbors, including food, and the cost of my living expenses has halved since moving here."

She sees her present lifestyle as being very similar to what her teenage years had been like - minus the boyfriends. And she doesn't miss them at all.

"When you get to your fifties," says Connie, "men just don't figure in your life much. Being with women is far more fun. Single women in their fifties, sixties, seventies and even their eighties have less health problems than single men the same age, and the last thing I want is to spend the last part of my life taking care of anymore - least of all an old man."

"I've spent 35 years of my life taking care of other people," says Connie. "Now it's time for me."

"All the women in the retirement community -- my new neighbors, my new friends -- have the same attitude," explains Connie. "We're probably seen as being selfish old hags, but when you get to fifty plus you really don't care much about what people think."

"Living close to each other in villas makes it so much easier to make friends," says Connie. "We're independent, yet we realize the importance of friendship and being neighborly. We rely on each other for company, and that's so much healthier than being an old lady living in the old family home, listening to the noises of other people's children, waiting sadly for your adult children to call. They never do."

"I can't believe that it's been nearly 35 years since I've had a close girlfriend," says Connie. "And friendship is so much better at my age because no man or child is going to come between us. And we'll be together until the end, so it's a supportive as well as a fun friendship."

"If I had known how good it was to be in my fifties," laughs Connie, "I would have wished my forties away faster and I have my new older neighbors to thank for my new lease on life!"

Nobody calls me an old witch here!"