selling trees like papal indulgences

Kirri has worked out that the creation of guilt and fear in the masses for things they are addicted to or need for comfortable living underpins the political and religious basis of western civilization and, rather than becoming a fire and brimstone preacher or a politician, she judged that easier money could be made by taking advantage of the new fad of environmentalism preached at both religious and political pulpits. She set herself up as a carbon footprint expert selling trees like papal indulgences.

"Governments and religions are nothing more than protection rackets -- justifying their existence by whipping up fear and guilt," says Kirri, "and while I can opt out of tithing away my income I cannot opt out of paying tax. So, when I was looking around for a self-employment opportunity I thought it would be a good idea to capitalize on what they were preaching. Global warming!"

"Were I living in the 1930s when the new fad was prohibition, I would have found some way to make a living out of that -- as many people did, not always legally -- and it's the same throughout history," says Kirri. "Watch what the government and the church is doing -- who and what they're for and against at any point in time -- and jump on the bandwagon!"

"Look at the tremendous self-employment opportunities that came about after the invasion of Iraq," says Kirri. "A woman can't easily enter the security or reconstruction field, so I had to wait until environmental issues came into focus before making my move."

"My work is very similar to preaching," admits Kirri. "Instead of calling upon the wrath of God I call upon the wrath of Nature -- probably one and the same entity -- and people are happy to pay me for my services."

"People want to do the right thing and be accepted as good environmental citizens -- yet we all have our little weaknesses," laughs Kirri. "If I can make a family with five gas-guzzling vehicles feel good by advising them to plant so many trees then what harm have I done?"

"Before the Reformation, the whole Catholic church operated on selling indulgences to offset sins and that's exactly what I am doing," says Kirri. "Offsetting environmental sins by selling trees won't stop people sinning any more than the papal indulgences did, but at least I can run a nice little business from the exercise."

"My business plan is very simple," says Kirri. "I increase guilt and fear in people already spooked by the demise of Planet Earth and offer my services to help them reduce their carbon footprint."

"Mostly, I urge my clients to plant trees to offset their environmental sins -- yes, just like the old papal indulgences -- and I have a good financial deal with a plant nursery that gives me a great commission on the trees I recommend."

"I advertise in the local newspapers -- but already I am getting most of my clients by word of mouth," says Kirri. "And, although I admit to being an opportunist, I am sincere about making the world a healthier place to live in -- and pass on to our children -- and my clients do appreciate getting the right advice about environmentally correct living."

"No, I am not a qualified scientist -- I come from a sales background," admits Kirri. "What I do does not require me to be Einstein and besides which since when have qualifications been required by politicians and preachers?"

"Does George Bush need military qualifications to start a war and call himself a commander?"

"I do extensive research on products and advise clients how to cut down on their carbon emissions," says Kirri. "My work also involves being something like a professional de-clutterer. Most of the stuff in people's homes is useless rubbish, wasting space and resources, and another one of my sidelines is gaining commission from second-hand dealers that I recommend to pick up this junk for recycling."

"Do I practise what I preach?"

"Well, I own my own vehicle so I don't come down hard on clients who have more vehicles than they need," laughs Kirri. "That would be like a alcoholic priest denouncing the demon drink wouldn't it?"

"I also tend to fly rather than use trains or buses for long distances and I know that's naughty," laughs Kirri, "but I salve my sins by having lot of pot plants around my apartment."

"I also do little things like turn off lights when I'm not using a room and switch off at the main plug rather than use standby," says Kirri. "Every little bit helps -- which is what I keep on telling my clients."

"If every politician and preacher were required by law to practise what they preached nobody would enter those professions," laughs Kirri. "It's always been a case of do what I tell you to do, not do what I do."

"I'm planning on extending my commission income by connecting with solar energy providers, double glaziers and tradesmen generally who are environmentally conscious," confides Kirri. "Right now, people just want to know how much energy they are using and how they can cut it, but eventually I hope to be able to scare enough people into totally changing their houses to become 100% carbon efficient."

"Am I ethical?"

"Just as ethical as anybody out to make a buck for themselves and be their own boss," says Kirri. "But I do believe in the moral correctness of what I am doing. The world is becoming a polluted and nasty place and with global warming we are at risk of terrible flooding and all sorts of disasters."

"I believe people need to hear about these terrible things and be made to feel guilty and scared because their actions are contributing towards ultimate disaster."

"No, I am most certainly not in favor of banning all environmentally hazardous products and actions -- and neither is the government," says Kirri. "Without these sins I wouldn't have a business, would I? And without sins in general, no politician or preacher would have a job either."

"The creation of guilt and fear in the masses for things they are addicted to or need for comfortable living underpins the political and religious basis of western civilization," explains Kirri. "Simple societies are considered simple because their entire lives are spent sustaining themselves on a daily basis -- hunting, fishing and growing edibles -- and with this sort of lifestyle they don't produce people who want to make an easy living out of making people feel guilty about what they do naturally."

"As a product of western civilization, I can only exist by exploiting others," explains Kirri. "I didn't devise the system, I don't particularly like it, but being part of it I have to do what I have to do in order to make a living. After all, politicians make an easy living out of scaring me into paying tax to keep the wolf from my door -- I know there's no wolf, and so do they -- and that's why it's a protection racket."

"The new religion of environmentalism may not last long so I have to keep on eye on what's coming next," adds Kirri. "Already guilt and fear have been stirred up for just about everything people are addicted to or need for comfortable living, so in order to keep the fear and guilt alive and the money coming in they're going to have to start recycling fads or become draconian."

Kirri's story first appeared as capitalize on global warming!

silent majorities and protection rackets

According to Melody, the trouble with democracy is that it works on the principle of majority rule but majorities are always silent and sheep-like and the only people who gain from the system are rich minority groups with politicians in their pockets.

"In all governments -- democratic or not -- the deal is this," explains Melody. "We'll take care of you, we'll handle all the tough stuff, trust us. Give us your money and all you have to do is go about your daily life and abide by the laws we make for your good."

"It sounds like a reasonable deal -- a neat social contract -- doesn't it?" laughs Melody. "But it's nothing more than a massive protection racket."

"Very few of the laws governments pass are for our good," says Melody, "and very few of the baddies they are protecting us from are out to get us."

"On the contrary, most of the laws governments pass are for the good of vested interests, not us" says Melody, "and most of the baddies they are protecting us from are out to get these vested interests, not us."

"You only have to look at the situation in Iraq to see the truth of this," says Melody. "Saddam Hussein's regime may have been brutal in comparison to ours, but he kept law and order in a country that doesn't have a silent majority of sheep like ours does."

"The invasion of Iraq was nothing more than a bully boy tactic -- one gang leader moving in on the lucrative turf of another gang leader," says Melody. "On the pretext of weapons of mass destruction -- and then the democratic rights of Iraqi people -- our government fooled our silent majority sheep that Iraq was a danger to us."

"The vested interests like Halliburton and Big Oil have made a killing out of the Iraq invasion," sighs Melody, "and the silent majority sheep still send their children to be slaughtered in a war which never was, and never will be, for our good."

"Our government, led by whatever party and whatever vested interest, has a bloody history of using the silent majority sheep to line the pockets of the rich and powerful," says Melody. "Even the American Revolution was started by the rich tea merchants of Boston. It was easy to whip up hatred for the king and the Westminster parliament among the rag-taggle refugees from mother England, but essentially they just changed one political master for another."

"In 1915, during WWI, a terrible influenza epidemic -- Spanish Flu -- swept around the world and millions dropped dead like flies and yet the war went on regardless," says Melody. "The real enemy -- the real focus of our government -- should have been this bug, but it wasn't. Why? Because governments have always been more concerned about the economic interests of a vested minorities than the health interests of the majority sheep."

"It's tragic that the only system of government -- communism -- that held out any hope for a people rather than a money focused economy was also usurped by the racketeers," sighs Melody. "In it's pure form, a communist community would be living in heaven, not the hell their greedy leaders dumped them in."

"What's happening right now in China, for instance, is scary," says Melody. "In their efforts to catch up with the West, the new economic masters are turning China into a polluted and disease-prone wasteland."

"With globalization, more of our food is coming from parts of the world that have no health regulations," says Melody, "and more of our immigrants are coming -- and going -- from these places, too."

"I'm concerned about our government cutting back on health measures in order to fund its vested interest wars and vested interest causes," says Melody. "I believe another pandemic is coming and our government -- paid by the silent majority to protect it -- is deliberately playing down this threat while stocking up the bunkers that are going to save them, not us."

"I look at all the anti-terror laws the government is passing and wonder whether their real purpose is to erode our freedoms and make us incapable of acting to save ourselves when the crunch comes," says Melody. "Are the security cameras, phone taps, strip searches, background checks and incredible delays in getting anything done or going anywhere really to protect us from terrorists?"

"Terrorists, or freedom-fighters, have been with us since our freedoms were first threatened," says Melody. "No great cause -- be it Christianity, democracy, slavery or whatever -- was achieved without terrorism and bloodshed."

"I don't want to focus my argument entirely on Iraq," says Melody, "because the whole war over there is being used as a smokescreen to hide what's happening here."

"One by one our freedoms are being demolished and the silent sheep like majority are not only being fleeced but led over a precipice," warns Melody. "Right now, apart from the big vested interests, certain minority vested interests are also driving the government. Some things once unacceptable are now acceptable -- such as homosexuality -- and some things once acceptable are now unacceptable -- such as smoking."

"The silent majority go along with whatever the government does because that's the deal, that's the social contract," says Melody. "They hug the homosexuals they once despised, and despise the smokers they once hugged."

"With a change in government, who knows what minority vested interests will next drive the country?" asks Melody. "Will we be hugging Arabs and despising Jews? Kissing paedophiles and spitting at SUV owners or gun owners?"

"The point to be made is that we are being socially engineered -- even genetically modified like Monsanto's food," says Melody, "and if we must be subject to a government run protection racket then why should we remain silent about what we want to be protected from?"

"I believe we have more chance of being killed by a simple flu virus than by trans fat, SUV pollution, global warning, cigarette smoke, a terrorist's bomb or a crazed gun owner," says Melody, "and we should all demand that our taxpayer dollars go into measures designed to stop these bugs getting into our country."